My 2016...

16 Feb 2016

The reality is I’ve never thought the same way as my peers (in terms of my future anyway). I’ve always heard ‘you worry too much’ and ‘think about that later’… as if I was the only one that understood the concept of later never coming. I understood back then that time had and still has no ‘pause’ button, I mean just think back and remember when you finished college or even university and how quickly time flew by after that.
I graduated in 2008… 8 whole years ago, 8 years and I’m yet to experience that feeling of great achievement. I mean yes, graduating was a massive achievement but I didn’t study what I wanted (African parents and that whole doctor/lawyer malarkey). It’s been just under 7 years since I actually did something I wanted to do, without asking permission and felt good about doing it. It still remains as one of my proudest moments. I want that feeling back – I’m not trying to waste any more time…
Fast forward to now… I’ve had this intense anxiety about 2016, maybe because I turn 30 this year but there’s this ‘haunting’ feeling I have that if I don’t start doing what I want nowI’m never going to be happy. Truly happy – because I’ve figured that many of us aren’t happy at all - we’re just merely ‘coping’… or maybe I shouldn’t generalise and just admit that I was merely coping… I dreaded Mondays, Monday through to Friday actually, I had anxiety about socialising (I didn’t want to hear people talk about how well they were doing because it made me feel like cr*p and I didn’t want to answer questions about my personal life) so I tried to stay indoors as much as I could, I had a million thoughts going through my head every day (I‘ve just got paid and yet I’m broke kinda thoughts, my peers are getting married and having children kinda thoughts, I don’t like my job but I can’t be unemployed kinda thoughts) that I just couldn’t switch off… But see I entered 2016 and I just didn’t want to go through that anymore, so I started to do things I wanted to do!
I lost a good friend 10 days into January… I think about her every day. Every. Single. Day. She kept telling me off about my blog and asking why I stopped etc… I had so many excuses but I’ll always remember how she blasted me… ‘do what makes you happy Ann-Marie, forget about everything else – it’ll all fall into place’ and so on 16th February 2016, I’m here again… Doing something that makes me happy… Blogging…
I dedicate this to my friend Isatou. I always told you I loved you and I meant it. You inspired me beyond words… I just wish you were here so I could say thank you. R.I.P

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  1. This post reads so true. Keep up the bloggong, i love them! IT x